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Last night I went out in North Beach w/my roommate and some of her friends and their friends. A member of the party train, a 30-year old male teacher I'd never met before who hit on every member of said train, got arrested. (I was "quite attractive" and received a booty dance). In case you want to spend four hours in a drunk tank in San Francisco, here's a how-to guide with last night as your role model
If you are a drunk person:
1)If you are carrying a closed beer can and Sort of Good Cop politely says, "Buddy, just a warning, don't open it" open it. Ten feet from the officer.
2) When Sort Of Good Cop's partner, Bad Cop pulls you aside for having an open beer can, call this butch-looking woman "sir." She'll really appreciate it.
3) Proceed to yell at cops. Your drunk friend/friends of friends should proceed to jump in. Except one of your top 3 friends in the city's sister, who should leave the scene because of worry about her potential political career.
4) When Sort of Good Cop tells one of your top 3 friends in the city, "You might want to take your buddy home. He's pretty drunk" your friend should answer, "Yeah, don't worry, the bars are closing soon anyway."
5)Curse at the cops. They'll admire your gumption.
6) When officer is handcuffing you, all of the members of the party train in their various states of drunkenness should try to reason with the cops, except for one who ran away because of a potential political career. My personal awesome contribution: I say, "We'll take him bed Sort of Sort of Good Cop says, "He can't go back with you. You're all drunk." I say, "Really? You mean we're drunk Saturday night in North Beach?! Since when is that a crime?" I'm sure I really helped the cause.
7) After you're handcuffed, and stuck in the drunk bus, one of your top 3 friends in the city should try to get arrested to. Out of solidarity. Actually, I kind of found that honorable, not gonna lie.
8) After that doesn't work, said friend (half-Mexican fyi) should say AT LEAST four times. "I can't believe they arrested him! He's a teacher! He lives in the city! He's white! He's from Sonoma! There are a lot of BLACK people here from Oakland who probably have knives. If there's anyone who should be arrested it should be them! Not a WHITE guy from SONOMA!" Your party train will be really impressed by your racism.
If you are a drunk person:
1)If you are carrying a closed beer can and Sort of Good Cop politely says, "Buddy, just a warning, don't open it" open it. Ten feet from the officer.
2) When Sort Of Good Cop's partner, Bad Cop pulls you aside for having an open beer can, call this butch-looking woman "sir." She'll really appreciate it.
3) Proceed to yell at cops. Your drunk friend/friends of friends should proceed to jump in. Except one of your top 3 friends in the city's sister, who should leave the scene because of worry about her potential political career.
4) When Sort of Good Cop tells one of your top 3 friends in the city, "You might want to take your buddy home. He's pretty drunk" your friend should answer, "Yeah, don't worry, the bars are closing soon anyway."
5)Curse at the cops. They'll admire your gumption.
6) When officer is handcuffing you, all of the members of the party train in their various states of drunkenness should try to reason with the cops, except for one who ran away because of a potential political career. My personal awesome contribution: I say, "We'll take him bed Sort of Sort of Good Cop says, "He can't go back with you. You're all drunk." I say, "Really? You mean we're drunk Saturday night in North Beach?! Since when is that a crime?" I'm sure I really helped the cause.
7) After you're handcuffed, and stuck in the drunk bus, one of your top 3 friends in the city should try to get arrested to. Out of solidarity. Actually, I kind of found that honorable, not gonna lie.
8) After that doesn't work, said friend (half-Mexican fyi) should say AT LEAST four times. "I can't believe they arrested him! He's a teacher! He lives in the city! He's white! He's from Sonoma! There are a lot of BLACK people here from Oakland who probably have knives. If there's anyone who should be arrested it should be them! Not a WHITE guy from SONOMA!" Your party train will be really impressed by your racism.
posted by diana at 3:15 PM
2 Comments:
Thank you for updating. I would appreciate if you would update every Sunday since Sundays are usually slow on the celeb blogs. Actually, I would appreciate if you would update everyday. What do you really have to do at work that's so important??
ohhhhh thats goood
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